not sure if this is related but my mail server started rejecting everything out of desperation i removed this from mail server config
-->> removed this ',reject_rbl_client bl.spamcop.net'
every out and incoming mail had postfix/smtpd[10318]: NOQUEUE: reject: blocked using bl.spamcop.net;
smtpd_recipient_restrictions = permit_sasl_authenticated, permit_mynetworks, check_client_access hash:/etc/postfix/sender_whitelist, check_client_access hash:/etc/postfix/sender_blacklist, reject_unauth_destination, reject_non_fqdn_sender, reject_non_fqdn_recipient, reject_unknown_recipient_domain, reject_rbl_client zen.spamhaus.org, reject_rbl_client bl.spamcop.net
after removing this everything works - i am sure it is important - but at least my mail is working again
and of course i checked to see if my mail server was black listed - it is not